We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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