Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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