I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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