Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
