I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
