um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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