And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
