Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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