he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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