Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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