Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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