you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
