just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".