She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.