I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Sober January is a disaster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"