The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.