Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.