Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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