so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
