Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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