whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
