I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
