DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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