I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
