i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
