i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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