Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
