How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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