please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize