wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
