Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
