I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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