I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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