A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Rumble strips road head = magical
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
