tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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