I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
