Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
