It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
send nudes
from the living room?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
