I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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