Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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