fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk