the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.