it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...