I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude