We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.