P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.