I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
