We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
