ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
