remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
