the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
