I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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