Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
