i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
