I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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