One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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