I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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