saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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