We're facebook friends in real life
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
