he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you had me at cake vodka
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
