i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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