Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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