shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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