Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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