I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck