I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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