If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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