were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
dude. I can hear the air.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
