I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize