It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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