genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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