I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
